*brilliant*

Always, and never forget...the littlest things we do along our way...the smiles we make, and those we leave...the softness of heart than surrounds all in our space...that brings to even the most reluctant heart that special knowing that they are in this moment always, and forever, *cherished*...

Reading, by the fire...

There's nothing so quick to bring me 'home' than the scent of a wood fire crackling and popping, as I leaf through the pages of one of my most favorite and well worn books, "The Hobbit". Occasionally, and I spite of my desires otherwise, the warmth of the fire will blanket me ~ and carry me away to the sweetest of sleeps...it certainly is a most beautiful night for a fire.

Tonight, is a perfect night for a fire - and, for re-reading my very well worn pages of "The Hobbit". Books like these should only be read on a night when there's this type of chill in the air...and only against a fire that is cackling and popping and hissing...

I am so sick of feeling sick

I have hit my personal wall today ~ I am sick of feeling sick... last night, all I could do was wish for sleep.. but my body hurt so badly, that no matter how much I wished for it.. it wouldn't come. And now, I don't think I have ever been so desperate to sleep - just for a few moments, when my body doesn't hurt. And I am watching my friends - step back one by one. I guess that is just how it goes. Who really wants to be around someone who is sick - I *get* it. *I* wouldn't want to be around that energy. 

I am so tired. 

A Poem for the Night

I saw a green flash at sunset,

as the sun knelt down and hid it's head behind the horizon wall..

it leapt towards me, this bold display - and touched my cheek..

a gentle brush.. as I would have imagined the sun's breath to have felt,

as it stretched forward, and heaved it's final sigh for a day, spent so long...

And as the twilight artist glanced his brush furiously against the dwindling sky -

and lit the sky on fire - with these, his most brilliant hues..

In that moment, I realized I had been watching a miracle ~ 

of a skilled master baring his soul for all to *see* -

in these, the most glorious of things, that surround us in each and every way.

- Copyright 2012, Tara Lemieux

Random Ramblings

Tonight was such a cool, crisp night. The sense of fall, and all its 'flavor' is gently slipping in ~ how did it come to be, this chill in the air? Silently sneaking its way in ~ so as not to draw notice to its arrival, no pomp nor circumstance. Fall is just that way ~ like an old friend, who slips in during the middle of a dark night... thinking he's gone unnoticed...but *I* noticed, because I was waiting. Waiting for just this night to light a wood fire, and enjoy the sound and scent of crackling wood logs...leaning close to watch the flames lick up and swirl, as they 'dance' in front of me. Such a fine performance, and I am transfixed. And as the flames gently lull me to an almost-sleep, I yawn and stretch and thank the day and welcome my Fall friend. And as I walk away, the scent of wood smoke follows me in and carries me away to my bed ~ where it will linger just long enough to carry me to my most deepest dreams...

Hello, Fall - I've missed you my friend.

A moment away ~

Sitting with my thoughts, the day before my big(ger) day ~ all days are BIG day, so I feel I must qualify.

I will be away for just the very
most shortest of moments ~ in which time, I will take a breath and *breathe* for me... :-) there's plenty I've left to read and enjoy,

Much love to all ~ and happy wandering.

xo

One Minute Wondering

I wonder what the flower thinks when looking back at me?

Across the Universe

The lady from the garden center said it would never bloom again... but something inside, told me otherwise... 



 

Because everything in this universe is unlimited in potential... in hope... and in its capacity to become something much greater than what was originally expected, or as of yet unseen... the only thing that separates our hope to become from the reality of what we are... is our own intention. 

This rose never lost its belief that it would one day bloom magnificently...

And in doing so, would cause someone to pause and think and to wonder why ~ that not all of the 'roses' of this world aren't also blooming in the same way... because, we all have this same capacity, to set intent and create our own reality.





 





My garden is filled with these such beautiful things, who started once, as seedlings... buried deep into the earth... with no direction, no guidance, nothing at all to pull them to *being*... just one hope, one dream, and the capacity to *always believe*.


The sun will be there to greet you - so long as you always believe. Flowers don't ever *think* about blooming, they just bloom.









To some I may seem the silliest of dreamers, jumping off without much caution - or, perhaps holding on, when I should, by all other standards of logic and practicality, be letting go... 

But something compels me to this path - this unseen force, always there nudging me, almost as if it knows the way. And so it goes, this, my most amazing life - where everything has its place, and purpose along a greater journey of what is me... I don't think often think about the how, rather in my mind I see the 'how wonderful'.


Sometimes knowing can be the most powerful thing.

listening to... The Beatles, "Here, There, and Everywhere"

*just because*

Because, sometimes the universe sends us signs and notes in whatever way possible... 

giving us those gentle reminders when we are most in need of a course correction... 

*namaste*

Elephant Article - 9/2

From Pieces to Peace: Finding Light and Love in an Encounter by Chance.

Today as I was out and about, I heard a familiar voice call out to me,
“Ms. Tara, how is that you’re always smiling?”

Without a moment’s pause, I simply responded,
“I smile because I am grateful.”

And just like that, our conversation ended as quickly as it had begun—two people sharing a few words, working very hard to bridge that awkward space between knowing someone’s day and really knowing their heart.

As we nodded goodbye and went on our way, I wondered how often our stories are missed.

I am grateful.

I am overwhelmed by how much these few words mean to me. As I say them silently over and again inside my mind, I cannot help but replay the fantastic story that is and has become me. As these thoughts settle in, for what seems to be their longest rest, I realize the most unexpected:

I am not afraid anymore.



People may tell you to walk away, growing disgusted as their words appear wasted on the ears of someone who has stopped believing in all those ways they are, and continue to be, most wonderfully special. True friends will try as they might to stay the course—ever hopeful that they may soon find that one very simple combination of words and emotions to save you from darkness. Yet, I stayed frozen in all of those ugly moments, afraid to step away for fear of falling deeper into the shadows.

You cannot hurt me.

I’ve always felt that something has been watching over me. Even at a very young age, when my hand first slipped into my father’s I could sense this strange energy. In my small little mind, not quite able to comprehend something so big, I suppose I rationalized it simply as the moon following me about and lighting my path. But there was always this sense of knowing that my life and the energy surrounding it were different. Even if the moon wasn’t actually following me around, there was something nudging me along my path in ways I’ve never quite been able to put into words. As I grew older, life became much more complex and my path’s twists and turns became harder to follow, even harder to see. Still, I never lost the belief that I wasn’t in this alone.

It was just at this moment, many years later when I had grown tired of traveling on a journey to not knowing where, that the pieces finally began to fall into place in a way that I could neither have imagined, nor expected.

I promise you, fate will find me.

I met him quite by chance, in a mad rush through an overly lit hallway on my way to somewhere—I could not care where. Our eyes only quickly glanced—who could ever have imagined that in this single moment, our energy would become forever intertwined? There were many millions of reasons to keep to that dash, to turn away from fate and chance—yet, something unseen caused us both to pause and helped us to believe again.

Love sometimes just works that way. It only comes to us when our eyes are left wide open—when we can finally see. Only then will it slow its pace and allow us that one chance to catch and embrace it, to hold it confidently in our arms, gaze into its eyes and see forever. Love comes when least expected. And real love has the power to transform our worlds.

As he took my hand, much as my father once did many years before, in an oddly special way I felt completely safe again. And in that one small moment beginning with a mad dash through that overly lit hallway, my world was forever changed.

With my hand in his and in this space, I found a power that was limitless and the strength to let my voice be heard again. I could finally stand up to my own monster in the closet, pull back the coats and see there was nothing but shadows there, after all. It was then I realized that in this light—my light—even the darkest shadows would disappear.

And that’s just what I did—I let my inner light shine brightly and suddenly, the monster was gone. Love came when I needed it the most and with it came something far greater than any fear I could ever hold in my heart—hope.

Because with hope, all things are possible.

Although I may never know, I have to believe that had it not been for that momentary pause, when fate slipped in to nudge my way and to share with me the hand and heart of someone, with the right mix of words and emotions to compel the greatest change of all, this story may never have been told.
And had it not been for my wonderful friend, who came to me unexpectedly and who pressed so hard to fill that gap between knowing my day and really knowing my heart, I don’t believe I would have ever found my light.

As I walked away, I wondered, how often do we miss these incredible stories of love and strength, unstoppable spirit, hope and fate? When is it that we move too quickly throughout our day, never having taken the moment to look beyond someone else’s day and getting to know their heart?
And as I took that one quick glance back, I smiled again; this time with the strongest knowing of who I am and all that I may ever come to be.

I will never walk in your shadows again, because real love is not ever afraid.

And I am forever and endlessly grateful.

To my wonderful friend, Gary, for the brilliance of your light and spirit. Because of you, I will never be afraid of the darkness again. Namaste, my friend—I love you.





Tara Lemieux is a mindful wanderer and faithful stargazer. Although she often appears to be listening with great care, rest assured she is most certainly forever lost in thought. She doesn’t necessarily know how to behave “properly” in meetings or at events that require a delicate touch, as often she finds herself with filters switched to the “off”. She is an ardent explorer and lover of finding things previously undiscovered or at the very least mostly not-uncovered. Just like a butterfly, she is ready to spread her newly painted wings and fly to wherever the universe may carry her.

When she’s not writing, you can find her walking in the woods, humming quietly to herself, giggling with her children and sometimes changing the way we look at things, one simple moment at a time. Tara does not like scary movies, smartly dressed monkeys, flannel sheets (they stick to her pajamas) or David Copperfield. Tara is “fabulously imperfect”, in spite of the many bumps and bruises she’s collected along her way. Sometimes she tells people she loves them far too much, but she is always sincere. As a friend, she will always be most loyal, honest and true. If after all of this you still wish to seek Tara out, you can find her rambling on at www.taralemieux.com.
~

Places I Want to See...

I was thinking today, of all the cool places I have always wanted to see ~ and so, I made a list (and not in any particular order)... of all the wonderful places I hope to go... 

Machu Pichu... because, I've always wanted to discover a 'lost' civilization... (I don't really think they were lost, rather perhaps just 'hiding'.. but that doesn't sound as good as a lost civilization)

Lover's Beach.. because, I can almost feel the sand here when I close my eyes... and I really want to see if it feels the same... 

 

This beach in Turkey... where the water is so clear you can watch the stingrays play, and the mountains are so high.. you still feel tucked away.. 

  

The Tufa Towers of Mono Lake... because a sky that beautiful deserves to have an earth this pretty at it's feet.

Preikestolen or Pulpit Rock because, I've never ever been that high up before, and I've always wanted to touch the clouds...

The Sistine Chapel, because - I've always wanted to know what God looked like through Michelangelo's eyes..

and... the Sky Lantern Festival.. because... this is what I imagine it might feel like if all the stars could touch the earth all at once...

A wonderful day ~

What a wonderful way to spend a few hours in the day - but to sneak away, to a magical spot, tucked deep into the woods (my most favorite place). 

And although my time here was quite short ~ I was still able to close my eyes, and take it all in... in the most lasting of ways. 

It's amazing to me, that when we make memories in this way - no matter where we are, and no matter how much farther down our paths we go.. it's just a matter of closing our eyes, and taking a deep breath in... which brings us right back to that most special moment. 

I am grateful for today. This was a most lovely day. And, I have decided...that I am going to make each day and everyday forward... just this way... no matter what may come into my path.

I met the loveliest little girl, who introduced me to a SNAKE...

And, I met a man who spent hours digging through the rocks to find *just* the right one ~ so that when we met today, I might have something lovely to take home with me..

And then he shared with me this MOST amazing geode ~ it sparkled in all the right ways, and made me smile...

And then I met a BRAVE KNIGHT, who stood watch over all who entered... ensuring their safe passage, and promising to keep all the EVIL away...

From off in the distance, I heard the sound of bagpipes calling to me ~ and, so I followed them.. and met a group of traveling musicians.. who were all but delighted to play..

And as I walked, I saw this lovely cottage... inside I met a craftsman, who was quite proud of his work..

And up on the top of a VERY steep hill... I saw the loveliest little steeple... I think it may have been trying to hide inside the trees...

A DRAGON hung in the window...  blown glass, and iron sculptures caught the light from just the right angles...

The air was filled with the scent of trees, and grass... and small roasted nuts... and the sound of little ones screeching in delight, amongst the sound of good friends and good friends' laughter. 

Newest Article on Elephant Journal - 8/30

Elephant Journal, August 30, 2012


Creating Space for Compassion and Closeness ~ By Tara Lemieux 

BigStock

The Space Between

These past few days I’ve spent in my bed thinking and reflecting (blankets serve a great dual purpose of shielding out the negative energy of a day and providing ample coziness to make us feel comfortable in our bigger thinking projects).

I was thinking over my sadness. For you see, in a bizarre twist of fate and wild turn of events that no one could ever predict or see, I found myself standing alone and seemingly defenseless in a sea of angry people. Not just one or two, as we sometimes experience in our day to day—rather, quite literally thousands. With this many people and that much negative energy, it seemed my email box spilled over with more hateful sentiment than I was swiftly able to delete.

Those who did not know me and had never once experienced my energy, nor came close to really knowing my heart—they all felt some push to share. Well, it suffices to say that people can be quite cruel in their general observations of the world and all of the beautiful people in it.

Since I am often wandering mindlessly along my path, in careful reflection and thinking about all the wonderful things in this world and along my way, it came as quite a shock that I had missed this “great ugliness.”

I will be honest—initially, this new understanding of the “other” side of the human heart was so completely overwhelming that it kept me hidden under my sheets until I felt it safe to come out again.

Photo via flickr.com by CassidyGrummer

If truth be told, I don’t think I stopped crying in all of those two days I spent hidden under my sheets. Even as I write this, I am still very much overwhelmed and saddened by having come this close to touching hate. I know in my heart that what I experienced is just the smallest slice of the greater whole of what exists inside the rest of this very real world.

I’m not so much saddened by what was said—these words, without context, have no greater impact on my spirit. Rather, I am most sad that this energy was shared. I have always been of the very simple opinion that it takes so little to share kindness, even less to offer compassion and less still, the ability to look to another and see that there is a heart and spirit on the other side.

I guess I have always felt—in an awfully Buddhist sort of way—that we’re all part of the same fabric, interconnected through some greater energy and unlimited by any boundaries between us. When I look to others, I truly see all the wonderful ways in which we are connected and interconnected—I see how much we truly share. Sometimes when looking to others, I see myself. But always when looking to others, I see their hearts.

I realized that the only thing that keeps us all from knowing that level of closeness is this space in between that we either fill with love or with reasons to keep us apart. In my space in between, I will always choose to have closeness. I will always choose to find compassion and the energy to be greater than any other illusions that might try to nudge their way in. But mostly, in the space in between, I shall always choose to find love.

Try as they might to change me through their opinion—I will always be true to my own spirit. You can’t dim the sun by slipping on a pair of shades—the light is always the same, however you try to change it. Just as the space between is just as we choose and will it forever to be.

I feel very sad for those who were so greatly unkind because they are the only ones keeping themselves away from truly unconditional love.

Sometimes, it’s the space we create that is keeping us from what we want and need most.

Tara Lemieux is a mindful wanderer, and faithful stargazer. Although she often appears to be listening with great care, rest assured she is most certainly‘forever lost in thought. She doesn’t necessarily know how to behave “properly” in meetings or at events that require a delicate touch, as often she finds herself with filters switched to the “off”. She is an ardent explorer and lover of finding things previously undiscovered or at the very least mostly not-uncovered. Just like a butterfly, she is ready to spread her newly painted wings and fly to wherever the universe may carry her.

When she’s not writing, you can find her walking in the woods, humming quietly to herself, giggling with her children and sometimes changing the way we look at things, one simple moment at a time. Tara does not like scary movies, smartly dressed monkeys, flannel sheets (they stick to her pajamas), or David Copperfield. Tara is “fabulously imperfect”, in spite of the many bumps and bruises she’s collected along her way.  Sometimes she tells people she loves them far too much, but she is always sincere. As a friend, she will always be most loyal, honest, and true. If after all of this, you still wish to seek Tara out, you can find her rambling on at www.taralemieux.com.

~

Editor: Malin Bergman

Sh*t I Learned from Billy Preston

Yep, so I'm a child of the 70's - which means, my sphere of influence is chock full of very random, and often completely unrelated, but yet always color-filled experiences and images. Many most-gratefully leaving their longest lasting impressions. Being a child of the 70's is the reason I prefer spending my time wandering about outdoors, and probably the root cause of my constant state of 'barefootedness'... and, perhaps might explain my love of cheese products over the fancy foo-foo varieties I see at the market... and, upon careful reflection, might also be the basis for my most recent purchase, a vintage Rock'em, Sock'em Robots set. These are just a few of the many reason I am now, and will always be, such a hippie at heart. 

So today, in honor of my inner hippie... I pay homage today to Billy Preston.. whose music helped to fill and shape my little hippie heart. Thank you, Mr. Preston, I learned a lot of sh*t from you.

1. There is *no* such thing as a 'bad hair day'. Hair should fly free, in all directions - with the wind blasting through it. It should never be shmootzed down; tethered, tormented, and otherwise spritzed to its breaking point; it should be an expression of you, yourself, your spirit, your most individual YOU. And the same thing goes for you, and your own spirit. Fly free, and stop worrying about what that mirror is telling you. Remember, it's opinion is only really your own after all.



 2. Happiness has a beat, BOUNCE to it. I always loved watching Billy onstage, because the music just seemed to come through him. No fancy acoustics, no light shows... no lip syncs... just a man with his hand directly on the 'pulse' of the music. And, when Billy sang - he literally 'bounced'... you could tell he was all joy in that moment. Not too many artists out there today, who can so effortlessly tap into the real 'beat' of the music... happiness has that 'beat', too. Never be afraid to 'bounce' to your own beat. Feel it, own it, and live it. Always.
 
3. When the American Idol Judges tell you to 'make it your own', refer to Billy Preston's cover of the Beatles song "Blackbird" as your benchmark. 
Also, "make it your own" applies to all things in life and living, including bubble baths and impromptu Ninja fights... but most of all, it applies to you. Make it your own, in all things you say, and do... never, ever, ever, EVER be afraid to apply your 'stamp' to even the silliest things... like forever and faithfully eating only the pecans out of your favorite butter pecan ice cream.. or going 'frosting first', on the cupcake (it's only a delivery system anyway). "Make it your own" - applies to all things and everything. 

Billy Preston's, "Blackbird" 

4. You really do gotta have something, if you wanna be with me. It's not about setting your standards too high, or, becoming some version of an elitist snob you've always not admired.. rather, it's most about surrounding yourself with the people and things that bring you the most joy and love and happiness. Because, in the end, we are the gatekeepers to everything in our lives and spirits and souls. Find what makes your heart smile, and live in it!

5. And finally, Joy is all around you - smile until your face hurts. Because, life should just be that way... :)


xo for now, and namaste 

ps - and just so we're clear... there really is a limit to the fantastic and phenomenal stretching power of Stretch Armstrong... just so we're clear.

“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” ~  Mahatma Gandhi

BE the change you wish to see in this world.

(with love and light, and skillful reprint from 'ele')

*namaste*

 

18 Rules for Living

(reprinted from nedhardy.com)

At the start of the new millennium the Dalai Lama issued eighteen rules for living. Since word travels slowly in the digital age these have only just reached me. Here they are.

1. Take into account that GREAT love and GREAT achievements involve GREAT risk.
2.  When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.
3.  Follow the three Rs: Respect for self, Respect for others, and Responsibility for ALL of your actions 
4.  Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
5.  Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
6.  Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
7.  When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
8.  Spend some time alone every day.
9.  Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.
10.  Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
11.  Live a good, honourable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time.
12.  A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
13.  In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.
14.  Share your knowledge. It’s a way to achieve immortality.
15.  Be gentle with the earth.
16.  Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before.
17.  Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
18.  Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

My Most Favorite Frost

I remember first reading this passage when I was still so very young, and curled up against the crackling fire my Father had built ~ just as he had done so many times before on these our most coldest winter eves.

I have always loved Robert Frost ~ and his almost magical way of spinning the most amazing images out of just a very few words. But mostly, I loved him because - in his, those very few words, I always felt 'at home'.

The following passage is from the poem, "the star splitter"...and for many years, no matter where I was on this great big earth - these few words always caused me to look high up to the sky to see if Orion was indeed there looking down on me...and with each glance, no matter how many miles were there between ...in that instant, I could close my eyes and feel so very close to home. So tonight, I'll share this with the world in hopes that there might be a little girl curled up so close to 'fire' while her Father sits back in his favorite chair, taking in the site of a home all at rest.

The Star-splitter
BY ROBERT FROST

"You know Orion always comes up sideways.
Throwing a leg up over our fence of mountains,
And rising on his hands, he looks in on me
Busy outdoors by lantern-light with something
I should have done by daylight, and indeed,
After the ground is frozen, I should have done
Before it froze, and a gust flings a handful
Of waste leaves at my smoky lantern chimney
To make fun of my way of doing things,
Or else fun of Orion's having caught me.

The Space Between

These past few days, I've literally spent in my bed thinking and reflecting (blankets serve a great dual purpose in shielding out the negative energy of a day, and providing ample coziness to feel comfortable in our bigger thinking "projects"). 

I was thinking over my sadness. For you see, in a bizarre twist of fate, and wild turn of events no one could ever predict and or see - I found myself standing alone and seemingly defenseless in a sea of angry people. Not just one or two, as we sometimes experience in our day to day - rather, quite literally thousands. And, as with this many people and with that much negative energy ~ it seemed my email box spilled over with more hateful sentiment, than I was swiftly able to delete. Those, who did not know me - and never once having experienced my energy... and those who never once came close to really knowing my heart... they all felt some push to share... well, suffice to say people can be quite cruel in their general observations of the world and all of the beautiful people in it.

And, because I am often wandering mindlessly along my path, in careful reflection, and thinking about all the wonderful things in this world and along my way - it came as quite a shock that I had missed this, "great ugliness". 

And, I will be honest - that initially, this new understanding of the 'other' side of the human heart was so completely overwhelming .. that it kept me hidden under my sheets until I felt is safe to come out again. 

And, if truth be told and we are being completely honest here - I don't think I stopped crying in ALL of those two days I spent hidden under my sheets. Even as I write this, I am still very much overwhelmed and saddened by having come *this* close to touching such random hate ~ because, I know in my heart what I experienced... is just the smallest slice, of the greater whole of what exists inside the rest of this very real world. 

I'm not so much saddened by *what* was said ~ these words, without context, have no greater impact on my spirit... rather, I am most sad *that* this energy was shared. Because, I have always been of the very simple opinion - that it takes so little to share kindness; even less, to offer compassion; and less still, the ability to look to another and *see* that there is a heart and spirit on the other side. I guess, I have always felt... in an awfully, very Buddhist sort of way.. that we're all part of the same fabric, interconnected through some greater energy and unlimited by any boundaries between us. When I look to others, I truly see *all* the wonderful ways in which we are connected and interconnected - I see how much we truly share. Sometimes, in looking to others - I see myself, metaphorically, and in some small ways. But always, in looking to others ~ I see their heart. 

And I realized that, the only thing that keeps us all from knowing that level of closeness - is this space in between that we either fill with love, or with reasons to keep us apart. In my space in between, I will always choose to have closeness - I will always choose to find  compassion, and the energy to be greater than any other illusions that might try to nudge their way in.  But mostly, in the space in between - I shall always choose to find love. 

And, try as they might to change me through their opinion - I will always be true to my own spirit. You can't dim the sun by slipping on a pair of shades ~ the light is always the same, no matter what you do to try to change it. Just as the space between, is just as we choose and will it to always be.  

I feel very sad for those who were so greatly unkind, because, in the end ~ it's the space they create that is keeping them away from the things they want, love, and need the very most.

Inside my "Monkey Mind"

You've heard the saying, 'be wary, the monkey mind'...

Ah, "Monkey Mind" ~ those rapid fire thoughts that zap right through our soul at always the least opportune of times, and generally when we're most trying to find our zen. As I have gotten a little older, and a little more settled into *me* ~ I've found my way to peace with Mr. Monkey Mind. Generally, things work out pretty well ~ I allow him to enter only when I *need* the comedy and distraction. We've fairly clear rules on the matter ~ though occasionally, Mr. Monkey Mind will forget our "code" (he's a bit that way, you see) and launch into his freakishly, scampery sort of internal dialogue with my soul. 

I had thought I had found a place of solace in the sanctuary of my Bikram studio ~ relying on the intense heat, and extreme fatigue to keep his chattering at bay. Alas, the stench and heat are no match for a bored monkey with a good story to tell... 


And so it goes, I arrive to my mat with intention set to Pranayama... ready to zen. What follows is a true account, as true as can be, of the inner dialogue between me and Mr. Monkey Mind. 


*deep breath*

"Hey... "

*ignore, breathe*

"Hey... HEY.... HELLO... HEY???"

*sweat, breathe, sweat, ignore*

"Kinda hot in here, yeah? How come it's so hot in here? Can you breathe ok? Looks like you're having a hard time breathing... you shouldn't breathe so hard, you'll pass out... do you feel like you're going to pass out, you sure are sweating like you're going to pass out. Look in the mirror before you pass out... wow, you sure are sweating... oh, my God... look at that guy over there... what's that on his foot? I hope that's not fungus. It LOOKS like fungus. Fungus is contagious. You could get fungus from him. Better not touch anything. I wonder how often they clean the floor in here. Doesn't smell like they've cleaned in a LONG while. Is that a pregnant lady in the front row?? Showoff. She's not sweating as much as you. How come you're breathing harder than her? Is that normal? Maybe cause of the baby. No, that wouldn't have anything to do with it. Boy, it sure is hot in here..."

*breathe. sweat, drip, sweat, gasp, gasp, spin, breathe*

"Maybe you ought to have some water, no? Sure is hot in here. What's that smell? Is it supposed to smell like that in here? Maybe it's that guy with the feet.. sure is hot in here. Wonder why they keep it so hot in here? Did you just almost slip? I don't think you're supposed to sweat this much. Did you wear deodarant? Someone forgot to wear deodarant. Wow, look at that pregnant lady move. She's really good. Why aren't you that good? You sure do sweat a lot. Maybe you should have some water? Doesn't that hurt? How much longer will we be here? Look at those mirrors, that's pretty neat. You sure are a lot bigger than some of those other gals up front. Maybe that why you're sweating so much? More to move, I guess. Hey, you ok? Why are you sitting down? Nobody else is sitting down ~ not even the pregnant lady in that front row."


*deep, breath, stretch, twist, gasp, gasp, stretch*


"How much longer? Isn't it time to go? What should we have for dinner? Didn't you wear that last time? Oh my GOD it's hot in here. We should just leave.. come on, I'll buy you a smoothie. Whoa, that guy needs new shorts...those don't fit so well. How can you *not* stare at that the WHOLE time. Is it time to go? I wonder if the kids are ok... you know, something HORRIBLE could be happening to them RIGHT NOW... and here you are, with your cell phone off. IRRESPONSIBLE. We should leave...save the kids... and LEAVE. Oh, my God... that's a cute top. I wonder where she got that top? You should have worn something different... maybe something to whisk the sweat away. I dunno, you might have to contact NASA for something like that.. with all the sweating you do. I wonder if that foot guy is married? You *really* look awful. How come the mirrors don't steam up? Maybe it's a two way mirror - could be recording, let's hope not because I think your boob mighta popped out on that last move.."


And that was just the warm up...

Ah, Monkey Mind ~ my most powerfully, playful nemesis... I love/hate you... but couldn't you come back during a lengthy office meeting?

A little light please?

 

I had the most amazing dream this past night, and, as it is with most of my dreams ~ upon awakening, I took my long, deep stretch to pause and reflect, to wonder what ‘messages’ were contained within and carried here ‘just for me' by this, our most curious universe.  Sometimes, I’ll just smile, and sigh, and laugh along — reminded in the most gentle of ways, to not ever take this life quite so very seriously, and to hold fast this most childlike ‘open eyed wonderment’ view of this world and all of the things within it.

And yet, every so often a dream shall come along which will cause me to pause and reflect and wonder a bit beyond my normal bedside stretch. It’s in these moments, the dreamer inside of me (and I believe inside of us all, for that matter) sounds his silent alarm - letting me know, that this is a dream worth noting.

I had fallen asleep on my couch, of all places — it seems the best dreams are those had in the most uncomfortable of positions. I drifted off deeply in the time it took for that final sigh of the day.

And just like that, in that moment, I slipped into the most wonderful sleep, which carried me to the most beautiful dream, which in turn carried me back home to the very spot I had spent so many hours trying to ignore the most urgent calls of my Mother pleading for me to come back in for that day. My hearing, it seems, hasn’t improved much over these years. I still suffer from momentary deafness.

So in my dream, I was walking along the stream behind our house. It was just dusk, and you could feel the cool night air, hurrying along the mugginess of the earlier day, pushing it along as if to say ‘Come on now, let’s hurry it up.” The water was so ice cold against my bare feet - I could even feel the soft clay squishing between my toes. I closed my eyes — it was as if I was just right there again soaking it all in, just as I had for so many years, all those many years ago. You know how when you are really “in” a moment — that your body takes this pause, as if to say, “Wait… this we mustn’t miss” as it draws in that long, slow deep breath?

In my dream, I could feel that very breath filling my lungs almost to a point I am sure they would have nearly exploded. And, as I exhaled, and opened my eyes – I suddenly felt so very small. And just as I had grown accustomed to that very “Alice-y” sort of change, I sensed he was there. And almost too afraid to look, for fear that it might not be true — instead, I slipped my hand right into his. I could feel all of those old rough, calluses that only come through the hardest work, building the biggest dreams. And just as it had so many years before, my hand fit so very perfectly — almost as if the universe had created just that space for a hand so small as mine. As we stood there looking out over this most overgrown property, I turned my head, and looked up to him and asked, so matter of factly (and much to my much younger self’s character), “So, where ya been?” He just looked down and smiled and said, “I’ve been right here, all along.”

In my life, I have always felt we are most blessed not by our accomplishments, but rather, through the people we meet along our way. For sometimes destiny will bring to us that one spirit, whose simple presence will forever change our weary world. 

And in that single moment, and as ridiculous as this may sound or seem — I felt as if all the fear and uncertainty that was buried deep inside of me was washing away in that ice cold stream at my feet, as if it were being gently tugged away - leaving a calm, clear ‘knowing’ in its place.

Did you ever have a dream so beautiful that you wished you could bookmark that entry point and go back just any time you ever wished? But, I think some dreams are meant for a higher purpose, and designed to give us a little light along the way. These are the most special dreams of all, as they sometimes only come when our minds have just grown too very tired along the way to give much struggle or fight.

So, on this day my dream has left something amazing in my heart — a reminder, that sometimes the best paths are those left without purpose or expectation, save for a small hope for the little things along the way that will cause us to draw a long, deep breath, as if our mind is trying its best to pause and say, “This one… this is one we must remember a little longer than all the rest”.

Dreams are sometimes just this way. Sometimes, they are a silly reminder to not take our lives so very seriously — and other times, they are there to give us a little light along our way. It’s knowing when best to be still and listen that matters most of all.

(as printed on elephantjournal.com)