Friday, August 17, 2012

The Space Between

These past few days, I've literally spent in my bed thinking and reflecting (blankets serve a great dual purpose in shielding out the negative energy of a day, and providing ample coziness to feel comfortable in our bigger thinking "projects"). 

I was thinking over my sadness. For you see, in a bizarre twist of fate, and wild turn of events no one could ever predict and or see - I found myself standing alone and seemingly defenseless in a sea of angry people. Not just one or two, as we sometimes experience in our day to day - rather, quite literally thousands. And, as with this many people and with that much negative energy ~ it seemed my email box spilled over with more hateful sentiment, than I was swiftly able to delete. Those, who did not know me - and never once having experienced my energy... and those who never once came close to really knowing my heart... they all felt some push to share... well, suffice to say people can be quite cruel in their general observations of the world and all of the beautiful people in it.

And, because I am often wandering mindlessly along my path, in careful reflection, and thinking about all the wonderful things in this world and along my way - it came as quite a shock that I had missed this, "great ugliness". 

And, I will be honest - that initially, this new understanding of the 'other' side of the human heart was so completely overwhelming .. that it kept me hidden under my sheets until I felt is safe to come out again. 

And, if truth be told and we are being completely honest here - I don't think I stopped crying in ALL of those two days I spent hidden under my sheets. Even as I write this, I am still very much overwhelmed and saddened by having come *this* close to touching such random hate ~ because, I know in my heart what I experienced... is just the smallest slice, of the greater whole of what exists inside the rest of this very real world. 

I'm not so much saddened by *what* was said ~ these words, without context, have no greater impact on my spirit... rather, I am most sad *that* this energy was shared. Because, I have always been of the very simple opinion - that it takes so little to share kindness; even less, to offer compassion; and less still, the ability to look to another and *see* that there is a heart and spirit on the other side. I guess, I have always felt... in an awfully, very Buddhist sort of way.. that we're all part of the same fabric, interconnected through some greater energy and unlimited by any boundaries between us. When I look to others, I truly see *all* the wonderful ways in which we are connected and interconnected - I see how much we truly share. Sometimes, in looking to others - I see myself, metaphorically, and in some small ways. But always, in looking to others ~ I see their heart. 

And I realized that, the only thing that keeps us all from knowing that level of closeness - is this space in between that we either fill with love, or with reasons to keep us apart. In my space in between, I will always choose to have closeness - I will always choose to find  compassion, and the energy to be greater than any other illusions that might try to nudge their way in.  But mostly, in the space in between - I shall always choose to find love. 

And, try as they might to change me through their opinion - I will always be true to my own spirit. You can't dim the sun by slipping on a pair of shades ~ the light is always the same, no matter what you do to try to change it. Just as the space between, is just as we choose and will it to always be.  

I feel very sad for those who were so greatly unkind, because, in the end ~ it's the space they create that is keeping them away from the things they want, love, and need the very most.