Saturday, July 28, 2012

Inside my "Monkey Mind"

You've heard the saying, 'be wary, the monkey mind'...

Ah, "Monkey Mind" ~ those rapid fire thoughts that zap right through our soul at always the least opportune of times, and generally when we're most trying to find our zen. As I have gotten a little older, and a little more settled into *me* ~ I've found my way to peace with Mr. Monkey Mind. Generally, things work out pretty well ~ I allow him to enter only when I *need* the comedy and distraction. We've fairly clear rules on the matter ~ though occasionally, Mr. Monkey Mind will forget our "code" (he's a bit that way, you see) and launch into his freakishly, scampery sort of internal dialogue with my soul. 

I had thought I had found a place of solace in the sanctuary of my Bikram studio ~ relying on the intense heat, and extreme fatigue to keep his chattering at bay. Alas, the stench and heat are no match for a bored monkey with a good story to tell... 

And so it goes, I arrive to my mat with intention set to Pranayama... ready to zen. What follows is a true account, as true as can be, of the inner dialogue between me and Mr. Monkey Mind. 

*deep breath*

"Hey... "

*ignore, breathe*

"Hey... HEY.... HELLO... HEY???"

*sweat, breathe, sweat, ignore*

"Kinda hot in here, yeah? How come it's so hot in here? Can you breathe ok? Looks like you're having a hard time breathing... you shouldn't breathe so hard, you'll pass out... do you feel like you're going to pass out, you sure are sweating like you're going to pass out. Look in the mirror before you pass out... wow, you sure are sweating... oh, my God... look at that guy over there... what's that on his foot? I hope that's not fungus. It LOOKS like fungus. Fungus is contagious. You could get fungus from him. Better not touch anything. I wonder how often they clean the floor in here. Doesn't smell like they've cleaned in a LONG while. Is that a pregnant lady in the front row?? Showoff. She's not sweating as much as you. How come you're breathing harder than her? Is that normal? Maybe cause of the baby. No, that wouldn't have anything to do with it. Boy, it sure is hot in here..."

*breathe. sweat, drip, sweat, gasp, gasp, spin, breathe*

"Maybe you ought to have some water, no? Sure is hot in here. What's that smell? Is it supposed to smell like that in here? Maybe it's that guy with the feet.. sure is hot in here. Wonder why they keep it so hot in here? Did you just almost slip? I don't think you're supposed to sweat this much. Did you wear deodarant? Someone forgot to wear deodarant. Wow, look at that pregnant lady move. She's really good. Why aren't you that good? You sure do sweat a lot. Maybe you should have some water? Doesn't that hurt? How much longer will we be here? Look at those mirrors, that's pretty neat. You sure are a lot bigger than some of those other gals up front. Maybe that why you're sweating so much? More to move, I guess. Hey, you ok? Why are you sitting down? Nobody else is sitting down ~ not even the pregnant lady in that front row."

*deep, breath, stretch, twist, gasp, gasp, stretch*

"How much longer? Isn't it time to go? What should we have for dinner? Didn't you wear that last time? Oh my GOD it's hot in here. We should just leave.. come on, I'll buy you a smoothie. Whoa, that guy needs new shorts...those don't fit so well. How can you *not* stare at that the WHOLE time. Is it time to go? I wonder if the kids are ok... you know, something HORRIBLE could be happening to them RIGHT NOW... and here you are, with your cell phone off. IRRESPONSIBLE. We should the kids... and LEAVE. Oh, my God... that's a cute top. I wonder where she got that top? You should have worn something different... maybe something to whisk the sweat away. I dunno, you might have to contact NASA for something like that.. with all the sweating you do. I wonder if that foot guy is married? You *really* look awful. How come the mirrors don't steam up? Maybe it's a two way mirror - could be recording, let's hope not because I think your boob mighta popped out on that last move.."

And that was just the warm up...

Ah, Monkey Mind ~ my most powerfully, playful nemesis... I love/hate you... but couldn't you come back during a lengthy office meeting?