Thursday, December 26, 2013

Embracing Our Imperfect-ness.

I had a bit of a troubling yesterday. You see, my most beautiful children – who are always so very thoughtful in their actions and deeds – had, on this Christmas day, forgotten me.

There were no cards, no gifts…as they hurried through the door, just a quick “Hey Mom” and “Happy Christmas.”

And, in one whirling wisp of ‘holiday cheer’ – my dears, I felt so terribly broken. I cried, and sniffled and carried on…like a child caught in the throes of a ‘collapsed-to-the-floor-carrying-on’ sort of tantrum.

A spiritual tantrum, but tantrum nonetheless.

And all the daily meditations, and loving zen practices in this world…couldn’t break through this ‘fortress’ I had just created.

It was as if, my spirit had been hijacked – by the bully, I like to call ‘ego clinging.’

And, it was raw…and ugly…and most decidedly horrid. But, more so – it wasn’t at all representative of my beliefs.

In my heart, I know that my children love me…

In my heart, I know that they care…

Add to this, that I am not at all…even the slightest bit…materialistic. In fact, I make a practice each day of giving.

So, what the heck just happened here?

I cringed…mortified by this lapse in spiritual judgement, and overwhelmed by the unsettled mess I created.

I wanted to run away. That’s the instinct isn’t it? When we catch a glimpse of ourselves in Life’s proverbial mirror…the harsh lighting casting shadows upon each of our imperfections…we immediately turn away, terrified over what we might really see.
Go to your body and connect with the physical sensation. It always feels really bad; it’s usually a tightening in the throat or the heart or the solar plexus. Stay with that and say to yourself, “Millions of people all over the world have this kind of discomfort, fear—I don’t even have to call it anything—this feeling of not wanting things to be this way. This is my link with humanity.” Connect with the idea that this moment is a shared experience all over the world.Pema Chödrön
Indeed, we all experience these moments of profound uncomfortability – and generally owing to this experience of being human.

And, all of those drop-to-your-knees, god-awful humbling sort of moments? They define us, and share with us another aspect of our being.

My dears, we are not perfect – and that’s precisely the point. Our imperfections, as horrible as they may feel once revealed…become the looking glass into another human spirit.

And, it is within this space of shared understanding that compassion’s roots might finally take form.
And, were it not for this business of being most imperfectly human – my dears, we might not have ever known.
Consequently, and in settling into my own ‘blechiness’ for a bit, I realized…

That thing I was so certain had upset me before? Turns out – it wasn’t at all what it first seemed.

(spoiler alert)…it never is.

My dears, when we learn to simply slow our pace and settle into things a bit…the whole world, becomes just simply infinite.

Namaste, and much love on this day.